AFI DECLARES "SOMEBODY FEED PHIL" SEASON 3, GREATEST DOCUMENTARY IN HISTORY

In 332 B.C., Aristotle Kazan, the ancient world’s preeminent filmmaker, released “The Siege Of Tyre“ universally considered the greatest documentary in all of history. The 69-hour film includes the only surviving interview with Alexander the Great as well as actual footage of the 7-month battle for control of the ancient port city of Tyre, located in what is now Southern Lebanon.

Beginning in 1927 when documentaries were first rated, the violently intense - if primitively shot - film has always been ranked #1 by a wide variety of organizations including the AFI, the American Film Institute.

Until today.

Friday morning, the AFI made the shocking announcement that the newly released Season 3 of ‘Somebody Feed Phil’, on Netflix had surpassed Alexander’s exploits in Tyre and was now rated the best documentary of all time.

The AFI released the following statement today, “In light of the current situation which defies not only gravity but a proper superlative to describe it, the AFI has named Somebody Feed Phil. Season Three as its greatest documentary of all time>”

The show. already known on the - empty - streets as “Three”, as in “Have you seen Three?” showcases the exploits of Phil Rosenthal, a tallish whitish guy obsessed with eating well. He travels to, among other places, Marrakesh, Montreal. Chicago, Seoul, Buenos Aires, Venice and Dublin.

Yes, most people are - and should - stay home. But, with Phil as your host, grab a chair and a drink and check out “Three” and let your mind and your taste buds wander around our old crazy, wondrous friend, the planet Earth.

LEGENDARY CHEF PASQUALE "KING" ASANTI MAKES RARE U.S. APPEARANCE THIS SATURDAY IN LA CANADA/FLINTRIDGE

Fans of the nearly mythical chef Pasquale Asanti have traveled to the southern Italy region of Puglia just for a bite of his foccacia. But this Saturday “The King”, as he is known, will come to the Los Angeles area to provide what he calls “a taste of my homeland to my stay-at-home friends.”

Asanti, from the robust city of Conversano, will be offering not only foccacia, but his panzerotii and taralli at Stella’s Pizza Kitchen in La Canada/Flintridge, the artistic community not far from world famous Altadena, also known as “High Dena”

Asanti, who has appeared in numerous television shows and movies, will begin dishing out the goods at 2 p.m. in a socially safe environment. Many locals have enjoyed his taralli at Nancy Silverton’s Mozza2Go.

Silverton herself said she will be on hand. Her boyfriend, crime reporter Michael Krikorian, however said he would be unable to attend. ‘I’m banned from Canada. It has to do with my past.”

NANCY AND MICHAEL'S ETIQUETTE GUIDE TO WALKING IN LOS ANGELES DURING COVID

In 1975 on my first trip to New York City, I was walking at night down Broadway around 44th Street when I bumped into a big, muscular black guy about 40 years old, maybe 6’, 3”, 230. We both stopped and looked at each other for two seconds and - during that very long period of time - I thought to myself. “I am about to get my ass kicked.”

But, then he said something I never forgot and, to this day, honor. “Can’t you even say ‘excuse me?’’’

From that day on, I bump into you, I say “excuse me.” And I expect that of you. But, now, with Covid all over the place, the act of humans bumping into each other has vanished. Respect on the city’s sidewalks has undergone a transformation to a behavior that would’ve been considered beyond meek if deployed eight weeks ago.

Anyway, Nancy Silverton and Michael Krikorian have published the first ever Covid Etiquette Guide to Walking in Los Angeles. Here’s a preview

1. SOCIAL DISTANCING aka “TAILGATING” The figure most bandied about for “Social Distancing” is six feet. But, when walking toward each other in Los Angeles six feet is practically grinding. Five feet? Gimme a break. And four feet? Hell, might as well get a room. The proper social distance in walking in L.A. is 10 feet. Bare minimum. That’s cutting it. On our morning walk, Nancy and see some ”Eyes”  (see #2) at 100, we move to the street.

2. BUTTS or EYES - Coined by Nancy, this term is essential to walking in L.A.. “Butts of Eyes” is the first thing you should think and -if you are walking with someone - say out loud when you first see a human being on the same side of the sidewalk as you. If you can make out a “Butt,” that likely means they are walking in your same direction. But, if your see “Eyes”’ that means they are coming at you and pose a potential problem. Remember if you are given the choice, - not that you are - but Butts are preferable to Eyes.

3. MASKS - Wear them. If you are the only one on a block, then sure, it’s fine to pull it down. But, mainly out of courtesy, put it back on when you see some “Eyes” within, say, 50 feet. The best thing about wearing a mask is that glorious moment when you take it off and inhale fresh air. That first breath is one of the wonders of the world. We’ve been taking it pretty much for granted. It needs more recognition. I just looked it up and today, May 21, is, among other things, National Strawberries and Cream Day. May 26th is National Paper Airplane Day. Breathing should have a year. A decade. Breathing should have it’s own century.

4. THE RIGHT OF WAY - The most crucial element of Walking in L.A. Etiquette is the Right of Way. This is the who “gets’ to stay on the sidewalk when those “Eyes” are coming at you and who detours to the street. Families of three or more, they stay on the sidewalk. Old people, they get to stay. Anyone with a baby stroller, they can remain on the sidewalk. Even people walking a dog. The truth be told, Nancy and I have not only grown accustomed to seeing people walking toward us and making the left slant to the street, but we like it. It adds some zig-zag, a touch of Gale Sayers to the walk. And as far as distance, we don’t play around. This is not a game of chicken like in “Rebel Without A Cause” when James Dean drives his Mercury ‘49 at an oncoming car and the first one to veer off is the “chicken”. Like I said above, we cut over when oncoming traffic is within 100 feet. Sometimes even 200. Also, be extra caareful on “Blind Corners”, where you can’t see who, if anybody, is coming around you. Be extra prepared to Gale Sayers at this potentially precarious moment.

5. TRAFFIC LIGHTS - Respect them on big streets, but, on smaller streets - such as on our walk, Arden and Rosewood, you can disregard them. When we come to a red traffic light. we make a cursory look for automobiles. but since there are so few these days, we ignore the red lights. No cop in Los Angeles is giving out jaywalking tickets these days.

6. MEANDERING - Outlawed Move it. Don’t just wander around like that blonde with the dog a couple days ago. You know who you were, lady. With your lazy dog who was laying down on the sidewalk and barking orders to you. Didn’t even have a mask on or around your neck. Idiot.

7. RUNNERS - Stay in the street. Wear a mask, it will improve your running. Do not even think about coughing. (See #8)

8. COUGHING - Hey, public coughers. Go home. No one wants to be around you. No one wanted to be around you last year, either.

9. COURTESY - If some moves out to the street before you do, say “Thank you”. That’s all you gotta say. And if you’re too tired to say that, then just say “Thanks”. If you do the moving to the street and someone says “Thank you” to you - they probably won’t - but if they do, say something like “Your welcome”.

And when that wonderful day returns when you bump into someone on the sidewalk, remember what that guy said to me on Broadway 45 years ago. I am so looking forward to saying “excuse me”.

ARCHITECT OSVALDO MAIOZZI WILL NOT “REST IN PEACE”, PLANS ON MAJOR RENOVATION OF HEAVEN'S MAIN ENTRANCE

When beloved Los Angeles restaurant architect Osvaldo Maiozzi died this week dozens of touching tributes and condolences were posted on the internet, many of them urging the passionate, warmhearted and, at times, fiery Italian to “RIP”, that sincere send-off which we know means “Rest In Peace”.

These people writing “RIP” were doubtless saddened by the news of man who designed Angelini Osteria, Republique, Otium and many other L.A. restaurants and they may have been at a loss of what to type on a Facebook post. Regardless, their suggestion for Maiozzi to more or less “Chill out” and “lay down and slumber away” will likely not be followed. Osvaldo Maiozzi has no intention to Rest in Peace.

In an exclusive interview with Krikorian Writes, Osvaldo Maiozzi said resting in peace would be next to impossible in such a grand space as Heaven

“Tell all those nice people I said ‘grazie mille’, but the thought of resting in peace up here is not an option,” said Maiozzi, 68, who spoke with this reporter via the new 250 Testa Rosa Zeus-12 intergalactic phone. “Don’t get me wrong. it’s bellissimo up here. And spotless. But, i just think we can spice it up a bit and still retain its original integrity and soul. Kind of like what i did over at Republique.”

Maiozzi, who graduated from the University of Rome in 1981, said he hopes to start drawing up plans for a new entrance to Heaven as soon as he finishes celebrating with his many family and friends already up there. “This is the grandest of all spaces, but i do think it’s time to redo the entrance. Look, the soft, swirling clouds is a nice touch, but so many of us have seen versions of it already in the movies. You know, with Claude and James up there.” (Osvaldo was referring to Claude Raines in “Here Comes Mister Jordan” and James Mason in the “Heaven Can Wait’ remake, two angels near the gateway to Heaven.")

“I’m thinking of keeping some clouds, but maybe have some arches, a touch of granite maybe some rough-hewn pillars, and further on in, an open kitchen. I don’t know yet. Maybe get Giotto to do a fresco or three.“

Osvaldo said in addition to some structural changes, he would push for some different music at the entrance. “Look, I like Gabriel paying the trumpet as much as the next paisano. But, maybe change it up.. Get Dizzy and Louis playing the horn up here. Get Miles Davis on the weekends. Do they even have weekends up here?”

Osvaldo admitted it would be a tough go to get some changes up there, but was confidant he would prevail.

“Do you know what the love of my life Pam used to call me?,’ he asked, referring to Pam Leonte, his wife and love, his own “Jersey Girl”, ”Pam would call me her ‘Italiban’ The first part was for my heritage, my passion, my love of her and of life, and the later part was because I could be unrelenting and stubborn and kinda crazy.”

The Italiban had plans for the future.

“Imagine this. In about 25, 30 years or so, my Pam comes up to live with me and I’m here to greet her at the redesigned entrance and Miles is playing My Funny Valentine? That happen? Heaven would live up to its name.”

NANCY CALLS MATT KIM'S FRIED CHICKEN-TOPPED GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH “THE COMFORT FOOD WE NEED RIGHT NOW”

Comfort food. The very term conjures up savory thoughts of fried chicken. grilled cheese sandwiches. But during these times when comfort food is more needed than ever, chef Matthew Kim has done something that seems almost revolutionary in it’s simplicity;; He has combined the two, placing a tender boneless piece of fried chicken atop an excellent crunchy grilled cheese sandwich.

The grilled cheese sandwich in itself is worthy of praise from the Universe’s master of the beloved form, Nancy Silverton. ‘It’s an excellent grilled cheese sandwich. It is the comfort food we need right now. The mornay inside is a brilliant move.”

The “mornay’ she is referring to is the mornay sauce. a Gruyere-infused bechamel, which blends with a 75% Gruyere, 25% cheddar cheese mix and caramelized onions between Bub N’ Grandmas’s house loaf.

Kim worked for Silverton at Osteria Mozza where his greatest achievement was meeting his future wife. McKenna Lelah Kim had previously worked in Chicago with chefs Grant Achatz and Dave Beran at Next and, after Mozza, was reunited with Beran. first a Dialogue and now Pasjoli on Main Street in Santa Monica. (Interesting - for some, at least - to note, when Beran replaced Marco Mapelli as the head Lamborghini test driver at the Nurburgring, Kim was promoted to run Pasjoli.)

Now,, credit for the addition of the fried chicken is controversial, at best. Some have said it was Kim’s idea, some said it was McKenna’s, and others are saying Larry Hoover, the imprisoned leader of the Gangster Disciples from the Southside of Chicago. came up with the idea.

Whoever did, it’s the sandwich for these historic times.

The non fried chicken version of the grilled cheese is available for $11. On Sunday, May 17th Pasjoli will offer a fried chicken dinner with lots of other stuff for $49.

https://www.pasjoli.com/menu-1

MYSTERIOUS HERB GROWERS ON VAN NESS AVENUE NAMED "NEIGHBORS OF THE MONTH"

After 53 years of obeying the law, chef Nancy Silverton committed a crime last week. It was a property theft on the street where she lives, Van Ness Avenue in Los Angeles.

The revered chef’s last crime was in 1967 when she shoplifted a tube of Lancome mascara from the Montgomery Ward’s at the Topanga Plaza in San Fernando Valley. Silverton, Ann Elterman and Michelle Matthews, all 12, walked out the store’s door and were immediately detained by a security guard. The police came, put them in the back of a black and white cruiser and whisked them off to LAPD’s West Valley station. Larry Silverton, Nancy’s father, picked her up and the two drove home in silence. He didn’t imposed any further punishment, because, as he told Nancy “the humiliation of having me pick you up at a police station is punishment enough “

Wendi Matthews, Michelle’s sister, vividly recalled the incident in a Facebook post today. “I remember the Montgomery Ward theft very well. Went with my mom to pick up Michelle who hid her stolen eyelash curler in a planter at police station only to be discovered hours later. My mom refused a Christmas gift from Michelle that year.”

That crime was a vital lesson learned for Nancy. She never stole again. Until April, 29th, 2020.

On that Wednesday, while on her morning walk with Michael Krikorian, Silverton stopped in her tracks when she saw a vibrant, vast patch of herbs on a neighbor’s “sidewalk lawn”. She was baking black cod for dinner that night and needed some mint for the yogurt sauce to go with the fish. And there, lush and alluring at her feet, was mint fit for Chino Farms. She looked at her boyfriend and then suddenly, without a word, without clippers without looking around for witnesses, she pulled out a handful of mint.

That night, the black cod with mint was superb.

Two days later, Nancy and Michael walked by the house. There was the mint, but now we noticed the length of the sidewalk lawn was abundant with also rosemary, thyme, oregano and sage. A cook’s paradise.

A woman was walking into the guest house of the very stylish home. Nancy, while not admitting to the theft, asked the lady to ask the homeowners if she could pick some herbs. The lady, the nanny, smiled warmly and said she would. I told her our names.

We went on our walk. At the end of our three mile loop, we walked to our front door. laying on a piece of paper was a pile of rosemary, lavender and mint. On the paper was written this; “HI NEIGHBORS! THE HERBS ARE FOR EVERYONE. PLEASE ENJOY. STAY TUNED FOR NASTURTIUMS.

What a lovely move. And, for some reason, in the time of Covid, it was even more touching, an ever so neighborly act. For that. these neighbors who I haven’t even yet met because i didn’t want to knock on the house door in these tense times, have been named Neighbors of the Month.

And we will find out who they are.

WITH AUCTIONS ON HOLD, FAMED AUCTIONEER BILLY HARRIS TURNS TO DELIVERING TACOS

in those long-ago before Covid days, Billy Harris, widely considered America’s preeminent auctioneer, was a weekly feature as the master of ceremonies of the highest caliper food events. If you paid a slew of money to have dinner at Nancy Silverton’s home in Umbria, like famed Oscar-winning producer Darla K Anderson did last year, Billy sold it to you. Not Billy “maybe” sold it to you. He did.

Harris had risen to the top of his field by starting off at the bottom, delivering Puerto Rican snacks to the shut ins in the South Bronx during “The Days” on the ‘80s.

Now, however, Harris is back to square uno. With no auctions, Harris, like most of the country, finds his old job doesn’t cut it anymore. So ever resourceful he has figured out what people in Los Angeles can’t do without; tacos.

Last week he became part of the now trending movement of ‘Drop Drop Droppin’ At Nancy’s House (Bob Dylan released the single Saturday. ) as he brought several pork, beef and mushroom tacos from the highly sought after Tijuana based mini chain Tacos 1986. Nancy and her boyfriend ate them standing up.

Unlike the 1980s when Harris worked alone in one of America’s roughest neighborhoods, this time he has help form his wife Sharon and daughter, G. The good news is you won’t have to spend $50,000 for a auctioned lunch. Harris actually lost money on this delivery.

McLAREN FORMULA 1 DRIVER MATT MOLINA DELIVERS FOUR COURSE MEAL TO NANCY'S PORCH AT 165 MPH

About four blocks away from her cell at San Quarantine, Nancy Silverton heard an unholy wail. Had all the animals escaped the zoo at Griffith Park and were charging down Western? Had a squadron of runaway Russian pilots scrambled their MiG 29s and were strafing Larchmont? Or was McLaren Formula One driver Matt Molina - who moonlights as a chef in Highland Park - making a food delivery.

It was Molina in a McLaren MC4-27 about to blast from Beverly onto Van Ness and drop, drop, drop at Nancy’s house a delivery that has been called the fastest food in America.

This food was among the best delivered to San Quarantine. It was a multi course affair, with Hippo-made foccacia, two pastas - a parpardelle with ragu and spaghetti all’amatriciana, roasted chicken and potatoes and and three , count ‘em, three carrot cakes each with a different sauce. The spaghetti was even better the next day.

With the food, considering the delivery, you woulda thought we would watch “Ford vs. Ferrari” or “Grand Prix” or that documentary abut Senna. But we stuck with Bogey and Bacall, this time in “To Have And Have Not”.

So if you want some terrific food from Hippo just call them or go online. Better yet, just whistle. You know how to whistle, don’t you'?

NANCY SILVERTON GIVES RARE "4 NODS" TO GILBERTO CETINA'S MEXICAN SEAFOOD COUNTER "HOLBOX"

When Ruth Reichl tells you to go to a restaurant, go. Just go. She told this reporter Sunday afternoon to go to Holbox and before the sun had set, I was there with Nancy Silverton at a 10-seat counter in the colorful Mercado La Paloma, across the Harbor Freeway from the Coliseum.

Within three minutes, chef Gilberto Cetina, Jr, (Chichen Itza) who named this seafood gem after a car-free island off the north coast of the Yucatan Peninsula, was placing a vibrant green dish (pictured, right) before us. Nancy took a bite of this “aquachile” - Baja Half Moon scallops, lime-serrano-cilantro marinade, and avocado - and started nodding her head in silence. One nod, two.., three and then, slowly – as I watched in wonder – the rare Fourth Nod.  In the 17 years I have been eating with her, Nancy has given the 4 Nods to less than 40 dishes.

When we find out Holbox has been here, at 37th and Grand Ave., for three years, Nancy turns to me and asks “Why the hell haven’t you taken me here before? You gotta wait for Ruth to give the go ahead?’

Fortunately. three tacos show up; octopus, shrimp and yellowtail. They’re excellent. Then a grilled lobster. We eat in silence with some “damn”s and “whoa’s” tossed in.

It’s was such a delight, such a nice surprise. Thank you, Gilberto. Thank you, chef Fatima Juarez.  Thank you, host Maria.

And, oh yeah, thank you, Ruth.