Dario Cecchini Wins Guest of Year Award for Italy MMXVI, Americans File Formal Complaint

He walked into the backyard where I had a fire going, stared at the blaze, analyzing it like a grill master would and said - in his booming Tuscan voice - Perfecto!".   Dario Cecchini, arguably the most famous butcher in the world, the maestro from Panzano en Chianti, had arrived at the summer  home of Nancy Silverton in Panicale Umbria. It was time for a an unbridled carnival of beef.  

And Dario and his troops - Tommaso, Miles and Zac - and, most importantly, his storied wife Kim, had come prepared to feed Nancyville;  25 kilos of meat for 25 guests.  It doesn't taken Copernicus to figure out that's 2.2. pounds of beef a person. On top of it, a kilo of lardo, aka burro del Chianti  When it was over the festa was already being talked about as one of the great barbecues in European history, a rival to the legendary celebration Hannibal Barca hosted  2,233 years ago after destroying a Roman army five kilometers away at the Battle of Lago Trasimene .

For that single night. Dario Cecchini has been honored by Nancy and myself  as the MMXVI (2016) GOYA, Guest of the Year. Award 

Though the news sent a celebratory wave throughout much of Italy, the announcement was quickly met with controversy by some Americans . Silverton's very own sister. Gail,  and her husband, Joel, immediately filed a formal complaint with the Italian tourism board.  "How can an Italian be a guest in his own country?" asked Big Joel Gutman, who, sources say, was extremely upset he and his wife had to clean up the party for several hours. 

"Hell, Nancy and Michael would have woken to a den of iniquity if it wasn't  for us, " a sources quoted Gail as saying. "The place looked like Hannibal and his drunken army had trampled through it." 

Also, in an interview with the Perugia Times, Georgie Harris, the 10-year-old who helped Nancy set up the party expressed dismay with Dario's selection. "Shit, I was there at nine in the morning helping set up and I didn't get a goddamn vote." 

Kim had little sympathy for the complainers. "The sore losers can stuff it," she said   "Maybe with burro del Chianti."  

Still, everyone else - including town guests Phil and Monica Rosenthal (with daugthers Lily and Brianna) - agreed it was Dario's night and the night was so special - as is the man - that it merited the GOYA. 

Just go to his website and you'll quickly realize this is not a sane person. http://www.dariocecchini.com/dariocecchini/en/

The opening line is "Abandon all hope all ye who enter, For you are now in the hands of a butcher.", a rift on Dante Alighieri.

But truth be known, it was not for the meat he brought that earned Dario the GOYA.  It was for his heart.. Look below at him holding of a dear photograph of Dario and Nancy's dad Larry "Lorenzo" Silverton.  Look at that face.. That is why he won the GOYA.

It needs to be noted that for the third or fourth year in a row, the runner up spot went to Susan Swan, the African-American librarian from Oakland who is also the wife of photographer Steven Rothfeld.  She turned in yet another fine, graceful performance, but was simply unable to overcome Dario's tour de force and also lost points by association when she could not stop her husband from asking me if i was happy three times in a row when I was in a hurry to get to Pelicanos pizzeria.  

From Dante's Divine Comedy. The 1814 translation into English by the Reverend H. F. Cary is the origin for this phrase in English, although he gave it as the less commonly used 'All hope abandon ye who enter here'.

Through me you pass into the city of woe:

Through me you pass into eternal pain:

Through me among the people lost for aye.

Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:

To rear me was the task of power divine,

Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.

Before me things create were none, save things

Eternal, and eternal I endure.

All hope abandon ye who enter here.

Such characters in colour dim I mark'd

Over a portal's lofty arch inscrib'd:

Whereat I thus: Master, these words import.

PREVIOUS GOYA WINNERS

2015 - Leon Gold

2014 - (TIE) Hourie Sahakian and Tiffany Fox

2013 - Liz "Go Go" Hong  ( for her total disregard for the glory of Rome and utter fascination with Saldi ( Sales). 

2012 - Cast of "The Wire"

2011 - .The Berrettos (aka Oliver and his buddies) 

2010 - (TIE) Duke Feldmeier and Patsi Asanti

Fugitive Dominique Crenn Named "Best Female Chef in the World"; FBI Names Elizabeth Falkner As "Person of Interest"

In a move that infuriated law enforcement agencies around the globe, the World's 50 Best Restaurants organization has named fugitive San Francisco chef Dominique Crenn the "best female chef in the world", setting off both raucous celebrations and angry protests in her native France and adoptive California.

Crenn, who has been on the run since 2014 after a well-publicized felonious incident in Los Angeles, has managed to elude authorities despite making occasional public - albeit unannounced - appearances. More alarmingly, she has somehow been able to orchestrate Atelier Crenn, her two-star  Michelin restaurant in San Francisco while on the lam 

Meanwhile. the FBI today named chef Elizabeth Falkner as a "person of interest" in the case of the hunt for Crenn. A law enforcement source, speaking on the condition of anonymity,  said the FBI thinks Falkner, known for her unique ability to crash at various pads throughout Europe and America, could be aiding and abetting Crenn's unlawful flight. 

When asked point blank about the "Crenn / Falkner" connection at a news conference in Los Angeles, the FBI was vague.

"Let's just say Crenn is getting help from someone," said FBI special agent Efram Zimbalist, III, special agent-in-charge of the Los Angeles field office. "She can't be out there all alone. We know she's popular woman, almost like a beloved outlaw in that wacky chef community. So she has many friends. We also know for a fact that Crenn was recently seen in public with Falkner.  So, Elizabeth Falkner, if you read this, you need to contact us immediately." 

Photographs of Crenn and Falkner partying in Los Angeles in mid-April at various sites went virile on the world wide web when they were posted The two were seen in Century City, Paramount Studios and Connie and Ted's restaurant in West Hollywood. 

Connie and Ted's owner Michael Cimarusti said he had no knowledge that either Crenn or Falkner had been to his restaurant. Mysteriously, when the FBI asked to see security tapes, Connie and Ted's manager, Murray Rubinstein, told agents the cameras were turned off that day in honor of the birthday of Philadelphia Flyer hockey great Bobby Clarke.

"That didn't make any goddamn sense to me," said FBI agent Zimbalist III. "What would Clarke's birthday have to do with security cameras being on or off? To make matters really fishy is that Clarke was born on a August 13th."    

Rumors flew that Crenn was not only with Falkner. but fellow chefs Brooke Williamson, Antonia Lofaso,  Johanne "Fetunta" Killeen and a woman known only as "Miss Florida".

Reports surfaced at press time that even the legendary Nancy Silverton was with the outlaw and the crasher.  When this reporter went to Silverton's house Sunday in the Windsor Square sector of Los Angeles she denied having seen them, but only seemed to deepen the mystery.

"I havent seen either of them," said Silverton. "But i just got home and, for all i know, if she's with Falkner,  well, they could both be upstairs sleeping in the guest bedrooms."

Crenn is nominated for a James Beard Award for Best Chef in the West. The ceremony is Monday May 2,  Will Crenn be there?   

Authorities are not taking any chance. Security around the Lyric Opera House where the awards will be held is said to be the highest in Chicago since the 1968 Democratic Presidential Convention.  

#####

Previous winners of the Best Female chef include Helene Darroze, Helena Rizzo, Nadia Santini and Elena Arzak

To see the original article about Crenn's felony assault of fellow 2-star Michelin chef Josiah Citrin, check this link.

http://www.krikorianwrites.com/blog/2014/3/23/chef-dominique-crenn-wanted-by-police-flees-to-france

For more on Falkner's dubious past, check this.

http://www.krikorianwrites.com/blog/2014/8/1/chef-elizabeth-falkner

An Oasis Blooms In Watts; Dorothy Sampson and Her Roses

More than 19 years ago, I was H2H, ( heading to a homicide) on 102nd and Grape when I noticed a profusion of color to my left. Hundreds of rose bushes were in full bloom near the corner of Grandee Avenue and Century Boulevard. It was the rose garden at the Watts Senior Center. I went back later and talked to the caretaker of the garden, the lovely and spirited Dorothy Sampson.

Yesterday, I stopped in on the way to Jordan Downs and learned Dorothy, now 82,  had retired two years ago. In 2007, the city council voted to renamed this oasis as the Dorothy Sampson Senior Center and Rose Garden.Rose.

I wrote the story below that ran in the Los Angeles Times on January 1, 1997.  

###

Today in Pasadena, hundreds of thousands of people will watch the nation's best-known celebration of the rose. On Thursday in Watts, one person will continue her work on a quieter tribute--the smallest nationally accredited rose garden in America.

Dorothy Sampson will don overalls, grab pruning shears and lovingly tend the Watts Senior Citizens Center Rose Garden.

"I love this place," said Sampson, 63, the gardener at the center, pruning her way through the 480 rosebushes.

The rose garden near the tracks of the Metro Blue Line grew from a dream that germinated eight years ago.

In 1988, Dolores Van Rensalier, then the director of the center, took a group of seniors citizens to Exposition Park's rose garden near the Coliseum. A member of the group, Arvella Grigsby, taken by the beauty of the roses, sadly remarked that it was "too bad there will never be a beautiful public rose garden in Watts."

"I said, 'Why not?' " Van Rensalier recalls. "From that moment on, I was determined to have a rose garden in Watts. Everybody laughed at the idea. They thought the roses would be stolen. Even Arvella patted me on the back and said, 'That's OK, dear.' "

*

But it wasn't OK with Van Rensalier, a native New Yorker who vowed to create a place of beauty in a neighborhood too well-known for its negatives.

"It doesn't take a lot of people to make a difference," Van Rensalier said from her office at City Hall, where she works for the Department of Recreation and Parks. "Just a few people is all it takes."

Thanks to Van Rensalier, Sampson and crews from the parks department, Watts now has a true garden spot at 1657 E. Century Blvd.

The first roses were planted in 1990. By 1994, the garden was given national accreditation by All-America Rose Selections, based in Chicago. The organization usually requires a garden to have a minimum of 800 bushes before it is accredited, but waived that for the Watts garden, which at the time had fewer than 300.

"We think that a garden is such a wonderful place to reflect, especially in an urban environment like Watts, that the community deserved accreditation," said Patti Tobin, the organization's director of communications. Being accredited allows the garden to receive about 40 of the year's top-rated new roses from the accrediting group.

Today, the garden still has fewer roses than any of the nation's more than 130 other accredited gardens. Nonetheless, there are 480 rosebushes and 25 varieties at the Watts garden, which is open to the public Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

One month after the first bushes were planted, Sampson was hired as the full-time gardener. She had developed an early love for gardening while growing up in Louisiana. Her father would come home from his day job and work on his plot until dark.

"I'd hear that old hoe go 'chomp, chomp,' and I would have to go out and help him," Sampson said.

Sampson married a man who didn't care for the outdoors, so they made a deal: He'd make the breakfast, she'd work in the yard.

"It worked out fine, until he had company over," she laughed. "He would say, 'Look at you, look at you.' "

After she retired in 1983 from her manufacturing job, Sampson began to work as a professional gardener. Not until last year, at 62, did she stop cutting lawns. Now she has only roses to tend.

"It's nice to go by and see this," Juan Mendoza, 19, said as he strolled by the garden on his way to a market.

Mendoza remembers the plot of earth before the roses bloomed.

"It used to be bunk. Now it's cool. The guys around here respect this place," he said, gesturing at the graffiti-scarred neighborhood, a stark contrast to the clean walls of the senior citizens center.

There were a few thefts of rosebushes during the early years of the garden, but they have stopped, residents said.

For motorists driving down Century Boulevard near the Blue Line tracks, the garden provides a stunning splash of color most of the year. This week, however, Sampson is finishing the yearly pruning of the bushes, and soon nothing but bare canes will be on display while the roses rest for two months.

As lovely as the garden is, Sampson is not quite satisfied. Many of its older bushes are not the top-performing varieties, and Sampson longs to replace them. However, there are no funds to buy new roses.

*

The rose she yearns for the most is Double Delight, one of the world's most beloved flowers: intensely fragrant, with a brilliant red edge and a creamy white center.

She grows dreamy-eyed when she talks about the flower.

"That's my favorite rose, but we only have one," she said.

On Monday morning, with the cloudy skies threatening, Sampson was out in the garden pruning. She came across the one bush of Double Delight, graced with one last strikingly beautiful rosebud. She cut the bloom, took a long whiff, gave it to a visitor and shook her head.

"God, I love that rose," she said.

Mozza's Chi Spacca Dominates 2 Rounds At Pebble Beach Invitational Event

Mozza's Chi Spacca dominated the competition at the Pebble Beach Food and Wine event  with two performances so commanding, so masterful they evoked memories of Tiger Woods' 2000 U.S. Open victory here when he bested the others by a record 15 strokes.

Thursday evening, well-positioned near the front of Roy's at the Inn at Spanish Bay, the Chi Spacca crew. led by chef Ryan DeNicola, Kim "Grumpy" Trac, Cameron Miles Trombone, and Sinta* took an early lead and never even bothered to look back. 

Of the 975 guests who sampled the cinnamon-dusted pancetta-wrapped pork sausage spiedinos with lemon caper butter and bay leaves, 974 proclaimed it the DON (Dish of Night). The lone dissenter, an obnoxious 13-year-old boy whose parents refused to let him bring a prototype Play Station 5 to the Inn at Spanish Bay. voted for the booth of Kentucky Fried Chicken 

Friday night, a dinner for 60 was heralded by all as the DOW ( dinner of weekend). It featured octo, tomahawk pork chops and 50 oz. steaks and a chocolate caramel tart. Wine was procured by Sarah Clarke, The wine was drunk by Nancy and Kate Elizabeth Green 

It was a record  27th time that the food of Nancy Silverton dominated a food event   The only other chefs to have more than 10 victories are Aguste Escoffier (10), Fernand Point (11), Fredy Girardet (13) and Colonel Harlan Sanders (14).

* Sinta is actually Sinta Nikol Villero, but is known simply as "Sinta"

Christine Larroucau, Pizzeria Mozza Manager, Becomes Youngest Person Ever Awarded Three Michelin Stars

On what just happens to be her 26th birthday, Christine Larroucau made restaurant history Thursday when the fabled Michelin Guide awarded her their treasured ”Three Star” rating making her the youngest person ever to be so honored in the revered guides 90-year existence..

The Michelin Guide, which only nine years ago began awarding stars to so-called “front of the house” restaurant owners and managers, said in a press release that Larroucau was honored because “she possess that rare quality of having a commanding presence on the floor, an incredible smile, a vast knowledge of food and wine and the ability to function smoothly with a blood alcohol level twice the legal limit.”

The previous record for youngest person to win the coveted three stars was Massimillano (Max) Alajmo, chef at Le Calandre in Sarmeola di Rubano near Padua, ItalyMax was 28 when he was so honored on Nov. 27, 2002 and continues to have the three stars.

Former co-workers of Larroucau, a former track star at USC,  were thrilled with the news and said it was a testament to her resolve to thrive.

“Under the tutelage of David Rosoff, Christine climbed the ladder from simple floor manager to GM of pizzeria and along the way she survived beating after beating,” said ex-Osteria Mozza server Pat Asanti, now a televisions star. “But, Rosoff could not knock her out. And now this. Congratulations, Christine.”

When news broke of the, honor  Larroucau was near the La Brea Tar Pits changing four flat tires on her SUV, three of which were being investigated as “of a suspicious origin,” according to auto theft detective Sal LaBarbera of the LAPD. “I heard she got some award that maybe someone else didn’t think she shoulda got,” said LaBarbera, a former homicide detective. “We are looking hard at a few individuals in that world. That restaurant world is bizarre. I miss the gang killings.”   

Across the nation in the heavily Chlean, French and Puerto Rican neighborhood of Coral Gables in Miami, Larroucau's parents, Marissa and Kiko, threw a lavish block party to celebrate heir daughter's prestigious honor. An estimated 250,000 people showed up including Michelle Bacehelet, the president of Chile, and Alejandro Garcia Padilla, governor of Puerto Rico who both flew in on a moment's notice for the festive occasion.

"Marissa and I are very proud of Christine and her award," Kiko Larroucau told the crowd.  "I only have one problem. Why the hell wasn't my daughter given four stars?"  

Back in Los Angeles, co-workers at Pizzeria as well as Osteria Mozza, Chi Spacca and Mozza2Go, the group that comprises “The Corner” at Highland and Melrose, celebrated Larroucau’s accomplishment with chocolate cupcakes and an off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday" led by chef/owner Nancy Silverton.

In her honor, they plan to hold a contest tonight in which anyone – employee or customer - who can properly pronounced her last name will get a free pizza.

BREAKING - Apple Refuses Court Order To "Un-Encrypt" Reichl and Silverton IPhones To Get Secrets Of "Rucy" Chili Recipe

Technology mammoth Apple refused a federal court ruling Tuesday to provide technology that would enable the public - including chain restaurant owners - the ability to unlock the IPhone 6s of chef Nancy Silverton and writer Ruth Reichl to reveal secrets of a chili they made that was heralded as the best in recorded history. 

The chili, billed as "Rucy" - a term coined by using the first and last syllables of the two living legends first names - was serendipitously created for a gathering Sunday evening in Los Angeles to watch the Academy Awards.

So extraordinary was the Rucy, that internet speculation about its secrets went virile. The hashtags #SilvertonReichlChili and #Rucy recorded 1,7 million hits since Sunday night. The furor was exacerbated when Mario Batali tweeted the following

"There’s chili from texas and chili from the southwest and definitely chile verde and chile rojo from mexico, but i’d say the worlds best chili comes from the fertile and untamed minds of 2 jewish gals in los angeles, nancy silverton and ruth reichl"

Officials at Tweter deemed the Batali tweet so important that they temporarily suspended the 140 character limit rule allowed the 250 character Tweet.

The bison meat chili with an unspecified type of bean was made by Reichl and a version is available in her latest book, "My Kitchen Year". But the furor over it exploded when, by happenstance, it was turbocharged by topping it with a so called "P1" Pimento cheese dip made by Silverton.  The chili was rated an astounding 675. 

(To read the original story on the chili printed two hours ago check this link - http://www.krikorianwrites.com/blog/2016/2/28/ruth-reichl-and-nancy-silverton-stumble-onto-greatest-chili-in-history )

Meanwhile, Apple said that providing the technology unlock or 'un-encrypt" Silverton's and Reichl's phones could "severely compromise the secrets, private recipes, texts, affairs and other personal information of more than three billion individuals."

"Say you have a secret sauce for a burger and you texted it to your mistress. Do you want everyone to know that secret?", said Jason Asch, an Apple spokesperson. "In America, privacy is not a privilege. It's a right."

Authorities were said to be looking to interview Los Angeles-based writer Margy Rochlin who allegedly transported the P1 Pimento cheese dip from Silverton's residence to Reich's.

In a rare showing of unity, presidential candidates were in agreement on an issue. Apple, they agreed,  should unlock the phones 

"This is not an issue of national security, but it is an issue of national pleasure," said Republican front runner Donald Trump.  "There's a little document I like to call the Constitution. And it clearly states the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The Rucy chili reeks of happiness."

Bernie Sanders, widely considered the anti-Trump, concurred. "Two Jews make a chili? That's America. C' mon, Apple. Do the right thing."

Chili by Ruth Reichl and Nancy Silverton Catapluts To #1 in World Ratings; Critics, Chefs Hail As "Greatest Chili in Recorded History"

The RNC. It wasn't planned. It was happenstance. It was as simple as this; "Put some of that on that."

The first "that" was a pimento cheese dip chef Nancy Silverton had painstakingly made Sunday afternoon and brought to an Oscar party at the temporary Los Angeles residence of writer Ruth Reichl. The second "that" was a bison chili made by Reichl.

So, as instructed, a spoonful of the dip, which, only an hour earlier, had been proclaimed the McLaren P1 of cheese dips, was upended onto the chili. 

One bite and that was it. There have been hundreds of millions, perhaps billions of bowls of chili devoured throughout history, but never has chili that scored more than 600. Never until yesterday when this concoction by Ruth and Nancy - already known in cyberspace as  "Rucy Chili"  - scored an astounding 714. 

Chefs around the country hailed the chili as Homeric.

Renowned San Francisco based chef Dominique Crenn simply said "Wow! I want some."

"Seven 1 4? Is that a typo?" Tweeted Briana "Breezy"Valdez, owner of East Hollywood's HomeState and a Texas native. 

Even Nancy Silverton seemed surprised how delicious the "Rucy" was. "Now I know how the folks at Reese's felt when they mixed that peanut butter into the chocolate cup ."

The recipe of the chili only is available in Reichl's recently published book. "My Kitchen Year" on page 45. It needs to be noted, however, this "Rucy Chili" - a term coined by using the first and last syllables of the two living legends first names- was on the fly and several modifications were made by Ruth, including, reportedly, the addition of "chicken goo" from the leftover of a dinner at  Silverton's Chi Spacca and "I forgot the name" beans from the Sunday farmer's market in Hollywood. 

As for the recipe for pimento cheese dip - a dish once described by noted foodie Jeanine K Ash as "the bottom of the barrel" - it will be available in the fall when Silverton's "Mozza at Home" cookbook arrives in bookstores.  That too was modified to a degree, with a particular Gouda and Cheddar that Silverton could not remember.

Some objected to the seemingly "secretive" nature of the chili.  

"I find it difficult to believe Ruth conveniently forgot the name of the beans she bought at the farmer's market and Nancy can't recall exactly what brand of cheeses were used in a cheese dip," said Duke Feldmeier, a private investigator hired to get the chili's secrets. "I mean, if the chili is really that good, shouldn't everyone get a chance to enjoy it?".

The Rucy, along with La Brea Tar Pits chicken wings and burritos from Burritos La Palma on Peck Road in El Monte were savored at the home Ruth and her husband Michael Singer are renting. It is the former home of Wallace Berry who won an Oscar in 1932 at the 5th Academy Awards for "The Champ". 

 Eighty six years later, there's a new champ and it's called Rucy Chili.

The Rucy chili scored an unheard of 675

Oregon's Governor Declares State of Emergency As Verona Masongsong's Arrival Nears; Hoarders Flock To Supermarkets

Widespread hoarding was reported at several Portland, Oregon area supermarkets Saturday morning as concerned residents prepared for the arrival of legendary eater Verona Masongsong and, in response, Oregon's governor Katherine Brown declared a State of Emergency, reassuring the public there is currently enough food stockpiled "to last at least two weeks".

As shoppers frantically stocked-up on essential food items, six people were injured at a Food4Less in the downtown area, four others at a organic market in the Pearl District  and three more at the Whole Foods near Reed College, authorities said. Most were treated and released at local hospitals, but two suffered so-called "trample" injuries and were listed in serious, but jittery condition at Providence St. Vincent Medical Center.

In addition, Powell's City of Books reported record sales of survival guides Friday afternoon as rumors spread Masongsong could arrive as early as Sunday night. 

"I want to tell the people of Oregon, and those in the Portland metropolitan area in particular, that we have alerted both the federal authorities and the World Food Bank of the situation and we will have food for almost everybody", said Gov. Brown in a statement broadcast on the Emergency Public Radio.   Brown added though schools were let out early Friday, they are expected to be reopened on a normal schedule as early as Tuesday.

Masongsong - who has led the nation in most food consumed and least food shared for the last three years -  attempted to diffuse the crisis earlier this week when she  - to the shock of all who witnessed - actually refused some food. 

Masongsong said "No, thank you" when offered a tuna pepper Thursday afternoon by a local reporter who was at Pizzeria Mozza.  As the Pizzeria's maitre D' Eva Gallner looked on in disbelief, the reporter asked Verona,  "Are you okay?" 

"I don't share my food, so why should I expect you to share yours?", Masongsong answered. However, when offered again, Masongsong took a tuna pepper.

Verona Masongsong first gathered local news in 2010 at a Pizzeria Mozza anniversary celebration. As more than 100 Mozza employees mingled, Silverton spotted Verona sitting alone and quietly relishing a Double Double. Upon closer inspection, it was revealed that a stack of empty Double Double wrappers were piled on a nearby chair. At that very moment, Hall of Fame Osteria Mozza server Ralph Waxman exclaimed "What the fuck happened to all the In-N-Out burgers?"

Masongsong originally denied any association with the missing burgers, but a review of the security footage showed otherwise. Like many legends, the actual number of In-N-Out Double Doubles Verona Masongsong ate that night is in dispute. Der Spiegel, Germany's premiere weekly news magazine, has put the total as high as 17, while the New York Times, in a recent editorial, listed the total at 11. 

Not long after that, Masongsong was in the news again when Silverton threatened to fire her for coming to work sober all the time, a condition - unlike in the past -  no longer considered acceptable. A quick learner, Verona took to the bottle. 

And she took the plate. With gusto. She garnered a  reputation for being first in line at a buffet and first to grab a to-go box.

Recently, at the farewell celebration for OG Pizzeria Mozza bartender Sean "Big Tasty"  Philbin, Masongsong was reported to have taken away four of the seven trays of Phillips BBQ ribs purchased for the party. The haul was so large that Masongsong allegedly enlisted the help of two Samoan men to carry the ribs to her waiting - and already idling - car. 

Though the Oregon presidential primary is not until May 17th,  candidates on the stump for next Saturday's South Carolina primary turned  the Masongsong food crisis into an political issue as they campaigned Saturday. 

Speaking to a crowd at a junior college in Myrtle Beach, front runner Donald A. Trump said "When I am president, America will be so great and so abundant we will have enough food for 40 Veronas."

At a rally in Hilton Head, Jeb Bush called that statement "Typical bombastic Trump stupidity and an impossibility". The Jebster vowed if he won the presidency, he would introduce legislation banning Masongsong from any HomeTown Buffet in the states that voted for him. (That could be as many as one state.)

Not surprisingly, Marco "The Robot" Rubio blamed the Masongsong crisis on President Barack Obama and ISIS. "When this is all said and done, we will find out this Verona situation was an elaborate Obama slash ISIS plan to induce wide spread hunger across America so the black flag of ISIS can fly over the White House," Rubio said. "I just hope the food shortage extends to Chris Christie."

On the democratic side, Hillary Clinton, eager to earn the young female vote simply said "Verona, you go, girl."

Masongsong will be moving to Oregon to be with recently-retired PIzzeria Mozza chef de cuisine Nikko Jerrel Marquez. Sources told Krikorian Writes that Nikko lured her to Oregon by promising to cook for her "three times a day".  Masongsong reportedly replied  "Three? What am I supposed to do in the afternoon and evening? Starve?"

Still, pro-Masongson advocates insist that her love of food is not only an inspiration to millions of people around the planet, but a testimony to the greatness of "The Corner", the street name for  Pizzeria Mozza, Osteria Mozza, Mozza 2Go and Chi Spacca.

"Who works best for Nancy - and The Corner - is the worker who loves great food so much that she -or he - might occasionally lose their mind in pursuit of that food," said Moruno chef Chris Feldmeier, former chef de cuisine of Osteria Mozza and himself a formidable eater.   "Why do you think they got rid of Arielle Chernin? It wasn't because she was drunk all the time and getting into bar fights. It was because she only ate tiny raw carrots. Verona? Verona can put it away. Up, up and away." 

Nancy Silverton said she was sad to see Verona - and Nikko - go. "They can come back whenever they like. And I'm sure they will be back. Big deal if our food costs soared when Verona was working.  She was worth it. "

Federal Probe Launched Into Pizzeria Mozza's Calamari-Stuffed Potato With Green Goddess; Might Exceed Legal Flavor Limits

The United States Attorney General said Monday that a newly-added daily special offered at Los Angeles' Pizzeria Mozza might actually pose a mental health issue because it  "may exceed legal flavor limits and is so delicious it could delude diners into believing 'all is right in the world'." 

Attorney General Loretta E. Lynch made the surprising announcement after meeting with two assistants who had tried the calamari-stuffed potato drenched in Green Goddess dressing during Friday's lunch service at the establishment on the fabled corner of Highland and Melrose avenues in the city's Hancock Park district. 

"They seemed almost giddy after lunch," Lynch told reporters at the Ronald Reagan Federal Building downtown., "No, not 'seemed'. They were giddy. My aide-de-camp Francisco Boroquois went so far as to comment on international matters, something he is not authorized to do."  

When Lynch didn't elaborate, several reporters pressed her and she somewhat reluctantly revealed that Boroquois had said "Syrian peace talks in Geneva would be a bigger, more smashing success than  [the Broadway musical] 'Pal Joey.'"  At that point, Lynch said she "became concerned".

When humans experience above-the-legal- limit flavor, they tend to become delusional and think irrationally, albeit in a positive, borderline euphoric manner that results in extremely low level of productivity. 

Legal limits on food flavor are virtually unknown to the public because they are so high and very seldom exceeded. The only known modern-day successful prosecution of exceeding the flavor limit occurred in 1996 in Switzerland, when authorities were able to prove that famed chef Fredy Girardet was regularly passing the 15,000 flavor (brain) waves per minute, aka  FWPM, at his temple of gastronomy in Crissier, near Lausanne.  Girardet was ordered to tone it down. He opted to retire on Nov. 30, 1996.  

Though numerical conversion of brain wave rotations derived from food flavor is difficult for most to even comprehend, professor of biodynamics Malcolm P Widdles of Stanford University said the simplest way to grasp the concept is to think of a high-revving Formula One engine, whose legal limits are strikingly similar to legal flavor limit, numerically speaking.  

"Currently, a Formula One race car engine - McLaren, Ferrari, Mercedes -can revolve up to 15,000 times a minute," Widdles said  "This is known as RPMs. It just so happens  that the current legal flavor limits, agreed to by both the United States government and the United Nations General Assembly, is also 15,000, but in this case,  FWPM. which produces excessive euphoria.  If the car exceeds the limit, it could blow up. If the human brain does, it loses track of reality and is focuses solely on pleasure. Now, that may sound like a good thing - and it is for periods up to seven hours -  but. ultimately, it isn't. The world would stop functioning properly if everyone was above the flavor limits. (Not that it is functioning entirely properly now.) 

That, said  Attorney General Lynch,  was the problem with Mozza co-owner and chef Nancy Silverton's calamari-stuffed potato with Green Goddess dressing  "People eat it and they kind of go haywire."

A Mozza, maitre D', Eva Gallner ate just a little bit of the special and just kept mumbling, "Too much flavor. Too much flavor. Too much flavor." The restaurant's general manager,Christine Larroucau, had to remove Gallner from the floor. She is expected to return Wednesday, though sources said she will not be allowed to work on Fridays when the potato is expected to return.

As of press time, no charges have been filed against Silverton and most legal experts don't think she will be charged with a crime since she is technically not cooking the potato herself. . However, Pizzeria Mozza chefs Tiffany Fox, Maika Rothfuss, Nikko Marquez,  Jeremy Barnett and Scott Brandaw could face legal actions if the flavor of the calamari stuffed potato with Green Goddess dressing is not limited to 15,000 FWPM..

UPDATE - After this story broke, the Israeli government lodged a formal complaint with the United States Ambassador to Israel claiming that Silverton and Mozza staff members Dahlia Narvaez and Elizabeth "Go Go" Hong stole this recipe from the Tel Aviv restaurant North Abraxas.

The government believes this dish is legally too delicious

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