Ancient Panicale Flower Pot Knocked Over by Hourie Sahakian

An ancient Panicale flower pot, said to have survived the woeful times when Hannibal of Carthage left  a wet and bloody swath nearby in 217 b.c. at  the historic Battle of Lake Trasimino, was knocked over Friday night by Hourie Sahakian, a house guest of Nancy Silverton, the American chef who vacations here.. 

Shortly after 10 p.m., a loud crash was heard in Panicale's Piazza Umberto, This was followed by an "Oh my God, I didn't mean it," then pure silence as the 25 or so customers of Bar del Gallo, the town's main hangout, stared at the fallen pot.  Standing next to the pot, its precious black dirt spilling out on to the brick walkway, its symbolic lone flower fallen like one of the 15,000 Roman soldiers killed by Hannibal's forces, was Hourie Sahakian.  Her look said it all; Guilty.. 

Within seconds a young man from a wine bar, a bitter rival of Bar del Gallo's owner Aldo, tossed aside decades of animosity, and rushed over and began frantically trying to scoop up the pot's splattered soil, belovedly known here as "la sporciza sacro dei morti", (the sacred dirt of the dead)..  Soon, Aldo rushed out of his bar, his face awash in shock and disbelief, and slowly stepped toward the what has already become known as "Potgate".

"Che ha fatto questo?, Aldo said, ( "Who did this?")

A customer blurted out loudly - and wrongly - out "La sorella". The sister.

Aldo looked briefly at Gail Silverton, who was innocently finishing off an oat biscuit and who immediately thought, "If they try to pin this on me, I will sell that Armenian baker out faster than Nancy can say "ancora, bicchiere di vino rosso Montefalco."

Saturday morning, a team of art restoration experts from Rome's fabled Istituto Superiore per la Conservazione ed il Restauro arrived in Panicale to examine the pot.

The team's leader, Luigi di Luciano stared in silence before saying "We will try. We did put Humpty Dumpty back together again. But, he didn't have this much significance."

Also, authorities said a toxicology report on Sahakian is expected to be finished by nightfall. A source close to the investigation said he would be "stunned" if there was not significant amounts of alcohol in Sahakian's blood stream.

"Dopo tutto, lei e  amica di Nancy," he said which translates to "After all, she is a friend of Nancy.".  

Sacred pot, said to hold the bloodied dirt of Roman soldiers killed by Hannibal in 217 b.c. is knocked over. Suspect stands nearby with annoying smirk.  

Sacred pot, said to hold the bloodied dirt of Roman soldiers killed by Hannibal in 217 b.c. is knocked over. Suspect stands nearby with annoying smirk.  




Pepe in Grani Moves Into Tie With Mozza as World's Greatest Pizza

In 1980, I read a piece in New York Magazine by Gael Greene entitled "Detour to Greatness." It was about Fredy Girardet, widely recognized at the time as Earth's greatest chef whose restaurant in Switzerland was - and still is - my fine dining Mount Everest. I still remember the kicker of Greene's piece; "Discovery is, I suppose, always more thrilling than confirmation. In Girardet's case, the confirmation of his creative genius is an endless joy."

That's how I felt a few days ago when Nancy and I   - and five friends along for Dining Italy MMXIV - ate at Pepe in Grani, the restaurant of Franco Pepe located in the hamlet of Caiazzo about an hour north of Naples.

A year ago, Nancy and I "discovered" it. on a recommendation from "Fearless" Faith Willinger, or, more accurately, on orders from Fearless Faith,  It led to a Krikorian Writes story that stated Pepe in Grani ( Pepe in grains)  was "The World's 2nd Best Pizza";    http://krikorianwrites.com/blog/2013/9/2/the-worlds-second-best-pizza. The lede of that piece was that the best pizza in the world is your favorite, but, after that comes  Pepe in Grani .  (Loyalty is paramount to me.. As Cleamon "Big Evil" Johnson would say, "Blood makes you related, but loyalty makes you family" and I am nothing but loyal to Pizzeria Mozza.)

Still, that night in Campania tested my loyalty. One of the pizzas, - called "The Dream of Caiazzo" by me, and "Il Sole nel Patto" ( "The Sun on a Plate:") by Franco Pepe  -- was, to borrow a MMXIV team member Bobby Silverstein food adjective, "profound".

So, this year,. when, after two other pizzas and a calzone, the waiter dropped the Dream of Caiazzo, Il Sole nell piatto , the sun on a plate,  I stared in silence before I ate it.

When I did, it made me sad. 

This pizza made me think of all the people in my life I care about who coudn't be here tonight, who would never be here.  It was the saddest plate of food I ever ate. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't like I was crying and all sloppy. It made me hope my good fortune on others. 

The next day when we saw Franco Pepe, he said, with a sly grin - and through his lovely assistant, Margherita - that he was very honored and content to be the 2nd best pizza in the world and "I just hope I don't drop down to number three or four."

This loyal person is not giving up Mozza's title, but it's time to share the crown.

The world's best pizza is still located at Highland and Melrose in Los Angeles . The world's best pizza is also located on Vicolo San Giovanni Battista in Caiazzo.

###

.http://www.pepeingrani.it/  

Pepe in Grani has two sleek, modern bedrooms that rent for about 100 euro a night. So after the pizza dinner, you can dream about them one flight up. 

The Sun on a plate, The Dream of Caiazzo. The pizza Franco Pepe created to portray the land and sea of his home

The Sun on a plate, The Dream of Caiazzo. The pizza Franco Pepe created to portray the land and sea of his home


Italy 2014 - Vin Scully Calls the Lunch at Osteria di San Cesario

"It's time for Italy 2014 dining.". 

"Hi, everybody, and a very pleasant good afternoon to you, wherever you may be. I'm Vin Scully and we're here for the luncheon of Team Italy MMXIV at Osteria di San Cesario , located in San Cesario about 35 or so kilometers from the Coliseum, off the Autostrada One, near Rome Sud, or  "south", to us from the City of the Angels. 

"Womaning the ovens for Osterio is the formidable Anna Dente, one of Italy's most celebrated female chefs.  Dente, 70, who was a butcher at her dad's shop for over 40 years before becoming a chef, has been called the foremost practitioner of  Roman  cooking.

"Ok.  let's look at the eating order for TEAM MMXIV.  Leading off is rookie sensation Tiffany Fox, who will be followed by 2nd year eater Deb Michail. Batting third is team captain Nancy Silverton with the all star Michael Krikorian cleaning up (... Nancy's plate.) He'll be followed by Bobby Silverstein, Ella the chef, Ben the architect , then the Puglia-based contingent of Pat Asanti, the lovely Deb and their chatty cousin Nick Williams.

"Little story about Anna Dente and the kind of chef proprietor she is. Yesterday, MMXIV member Deb called the restaurant to ask what train her and teammate Tiffany should take from the main Rome train station, called Termini.  So earlier today, when Deb and Tiffany arrived at the train station near this town, who was there to pick them up? That's right,. Anna Dente."  

"Ok, let's get this game a going. Eating off for Anna Dente is a bowl of beans cooked down with the pieces on pork forearm skin.  And here's the first bite. Dente connects for a line drive in the gap. Beans are going for two and they arrrrrrre, in there. Nice start for Osteria. . These beans are creamy and smokey and shine with the pork skin. The beans are liked by all the diners and anticipation of a special meal grows.   

Up next are a series of tastes; fired zucchini flowers, something else, two kinds of tripe including a la roman that bloops in for a single.

"Now come the pastas, a rigatoni carbonara singles with its simplicity, rich, but not overly so like the ballyhooed version at, Salumeria Roscioli near the Campo di Fiori in central Rome. Up next, is cacio e pepe. Quick story about the team and cacio e pepe.. Originally MMXIV was going to meet for lunch in the Trastevere sector of Rome at place Pat Asanti's had heard served the best cacio e pepe.  Plans were made for the rendezvous.  However, two days before captain Silverton heard from her sources,  and the change was made to come here.  How's is the cacio e pepe today? Very good, another solid single 

Oh, here comes Anna Dente out of her kitchen and she is very animated and pleasant. A charmer. She chats in Italian with Pat, Nick Williams, Deb and Bobby.  

Up  next a platter of roasted lamb. All sorts of cuts. Team 2014 digs in. High fly ball into center field and deep. Back goes Krikorian, a way back, to the warning track, it's gone!    What a terrific dish."

"Ok. for the desert. Out comes. Tiramisu. What a minute, They are served as individual bites on spoons,. Silverton is borderline flabbergasted,  What is she saying? She is going to steal this idea. All right, Los Angeles,  get ready for tiramisu served on a spoon. 

"Effusive Anna comes out and generously pours homemade fennel liquor for the team. And her son hands out sugary biscuits. 

"Well, it's about over. Clearly, the platter of lamb is the dining highlight of the lunch at Osterio di San Cesario.  Though I'd have to say the real highlight today was Anna Dente herself."

"Good day from Chavez Ravine. I mean somewhere south east of the Spanish Steps."

###

http://www.annadente.it/

WARNING - It might be a better idea to order off the menu then say just "cook for us". The  lunch bill for us 10 was 800 euro.  Bobby even thinks they charged us for the fennel liquor..   

Anna Nancy and Michael

Anna Nancy and Michael

Spoon size


The Steak Sandwich With Nothing Else To Compare It To

Nancy just left for the nightly 6:30 wine drinking session at the Piazza Umberto in Panicale. I'm alone at the house, writing intensely  and the door bell rings. It's Pina, the-across-the-street neighbor, holding a foil-covered tray with two pot holders. Speaking exuberantly with her beaming smile. the only words I understand are "foccacia", "formaggio" and "caldo"; hot cheese bread.

She places the tray down near the fireplace. She leaves. I get a knife,

As I'm cutting into this lovely creation, this unexpected joy that comes to the front door, this most neighborly of gestures, I realize what I have in the blue Smeg refrigerator; yesterday's steak. A steak from Dario Cecchini that I grilled last night. Possessed now, i stuff the steak into the foccacia, knife on a little Parmigiano-Reggiano. I bite into this steak sandwich. 

There have been many astonishing occurrences since recorded history began.  I've always marveled at how Alexander the Great conqueror most of the world. That first moon landing with both Louis and Neil Armstrong was thrilling. I cherish an early morning moment, captured by photographer Tom Caltabiano, with Nancy in Paris.

Was this steak sandwich in that league? No. Not even. But, since I can't think of any other sandwich to compare it to, I'd just thought i'd mention a few of my favorite things.

Here's John Coltrane's version :of "My Favorite Things" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWG2dsXV5HI

***  Ferrari just came out with their greatest road car ever, the million-dollar-plus, 950-horsepower hyper car called simply LaFerrari. I'm gonna call this LaSteak Sandwich.

The just released  La Steak Sandwich.

The just released  La Steak Sandwich.



 

An American in Verona; Italy 2014 Off To Fastest Start Ever

The Italy MMXIV extravaganza got off to a blistering start as the intrepid duo of chef Nancy Silverton and driver Michael Krikorian zoomed around northern Italy in a nearly frenzied fashion, dining at six restaurants in the first 57 hours and amassing seven Pirelli stars in the process. 

Rebounding from last year's Italy adventure, where, in the first three days,  the two came close to being banned by the International Dining Federation, Group Formula One for disastrous restaurant and menu selections, this year's saw the couple deftly weave a blazing trail of dining satisfaction.

The First Report:

The first lunch, haphazardly selected as we rented a red Factory Fiat at Milan's Malpensa airport was a place we had never heard of until it was vigorously promoted by fabric mogul - and friend - Jason Asch as the "best of the best" in this entire region.  Me, I'm thinking what the heck does the fabric guy know about the "best of the best'? Turns out, he was right. 

Located in Brusaporto, a few kilometers east of our home base of Bergamo, Da Vittorio is one of the most celebrated restaurants in Italy, one of 11 in the nation with three Pirelli stars. 

But, even while seated in Da Vittorio's charming garden and handed menus we still don't know this. However, it soon dawns on us we are somewhere special. The impeccable service, the bread tray, the amuse, all have us baffled. 

"Is this a three star?" Nancy asks.

"I don't know. It sure seems like it, right?"

Then my pasta comes and it's all over. A half of lobster nestled against some long strands of pasta that is so good I close my eyes for over three seconds.

We split a main course of lamb loin that is of a rarefied quality.

At the table next to ours, a family of four are just about giddy as the youngest,  a girl of 14, 15 or so, gets her main; a wooden platter about two feet by two feet mostly covered with Da Vittorio's salivating take of veal Milanese.  Her family takes a picture of her with chef Enrico Cerea and the platter topped with lemon wedges. even  take a picture of her and the chef. Later, when another platter appears I say "Enrico, it's for the girl." Everyone laughs.  It's that type of three star. 

We leave,  just a few hours after landing in Italy, thinking we mighta already had the meal of the trip.

** 

Four of our next five meals are at Pirelli one stars. They're all very good. Here, briefly, are some highlights. 

Our first dinner was Osteria della Brughiera in Villa d'Alme, highly recommend by Philly chef Jeff Michaud.  We dined outside again, this time with thunder and lightening putting on a dazzling performance. Milk-cooked pork loin was a highlight.

The next night was at another Jeff Michaud joint called  Frosio in Alme. It was superb. A report on a single bite might be coming soon. But, maybe not. so I'll just say it was a quail with mashed potatoes porcini and foie gras.

By the way, if you ever go to Bergamo, we very highly recommend staying at the Hotel Petronilla in the old city. The room was tight - even had a leather love seat that resembled a Mel Ott glove  - and the manger, Uta, a charmer. About 140 euro a night.

The next day, we drive on in the red Factory Fiat - by now called the "Crimson Glide" - about 90 minutes east to the city Verona, which, to my delight - and surprise - is named after a server at Pizzeria Mozza.   

We go to another one star called, Osteria Fontanina which on this day did two covers for lunch, both who you probably know. I had a "cappuccino" of peas and cod, which as bad as that sounds, well, if you're out that way, give it a shot. 

The last one star was a place outside of Bologna called Amerigo 1934 in Savigno where we went twice last year and might go back this year. That satisfying. Nancy had goat,  I had rabbit, but the highlight, as it was last year,  was a simple dish or tortellini with cream, Parmesan and prosciutto. So good.  We spent the night at one of their five delightful rooms. 80 euro a night.

***

But, back to Verona.  I gotta tell you about this rain storm there. .Nancy is at a clothing store, some high-end little boutique and she's buying a particularly lovely  dress, and a scarf.  So they need her passport to get this special tax deal at the airport. Don't ask. They just need the passport. Thing is the passport is in the Crimson Glide parked underground about 3/4 of a kilometer away.

How much you save with the passport? After some computer digging, turns out 55 euro. 

"I'll go get it."

I start walking, get about 50 meters and a monsoon not dropped since the Second Crusades hurls down from the skies. It's like Zeus has hired 10,000 day laborers to spill buckets of water on downtown Verona. The throngs on the narrow main, pedestrian-only street rush to the meager awnings of the stores like they are avoiding a drone strike. Pakistanis mysteriously appear selling five-euro umbrellas. I walk on, determined to get that passport, determined to do what no human being would do for Nancy under these conditions.  Tourist stare at me. They'll have a story for the folks back in Dusseldorf. "This man, had to be an American. was happily walking through the deluge like he was Gene Kelly."

Past Verona's Coliseum, (a very nice one, indeed, if a bit rustic), past the main square, past some arch that's gotta be famous, I make it  to the parking structure, three, four kilos of rains attached to my dark sports coat. I find the passport and begin the journey back. I buy a five-euro umbrella from a guy from Karachi. Yeah, I asked, 'Where you from?"

I open it, but it's so flimsy, I fear it might be ripped to shreds before I can hold it for Nancy on the walk back so I close and walk in the rain holding a closed blue-plaid umbrella. .

By now, no one see this as the streets are abandoned.  The place has an eerie feeling, like East St. Louis on a dreary Sunday morning.  With all the water attached to my sopping clothes. I must be nearly 97 kilos.

The rains ease off. It's still coming down, but it's not as angry. I make it to this boutique. The workers look at me like I just emerged from a lagoon. We do the paper work. We leave. 

On the walk back to the car, I hold the umbrella for the lady. I tell her my tale of the walk to get the passport. She says "I know you're the only one who would have done that for me."

A girl and her 3 Star Milanese with chef Enrico Cerea

A girl and her 3 Star Milanese with chef Enrico Cerea


City of Los Angeles Proclaims May 30th "Nancy Silverton Day"

The City of Los Angeles officially proclaimed today, May 30th to be "Nancy Silverton Day", capping off a storybook month that began when she won the James Beard Foundation Award four weeks ago for Outstanding Chef in the United States.

The declaration, at the end of a very long City Council meeting,  was  presented to Silverton by Councilman Paul Koretz, who  - along with Councilmembers Ton LaBonge and Herb J. Wesson, Jr. -  lavished so many superlatives on the revered Mozza owner an outsider would have thought she had solved the traffic problem in town.

Silverton, as always, cool and sharp, in sunglasses and Marni, took the award and thanked her co-workers at Mozzas in Los Angeles, Newport Beach, Singapore, Stalingrad, and San Diego, as well as Chi Spacca.

"There are hundreds of people who help me everyday, working hard to hopefully make your day a better day," said Silverton, who was accompanied by her father, Larry, and her driver, Juan Manuel Fangio, who sped to the nearest trademark office to register that quote.

"i'm really honored to get this "Day" because it recognizes what an important industry I belong to," said Nancy, who, only two weeks ago, in a worldwide poll, came in 2nd place to Muhammad Ali as the most beloved person living on Earth. "The restaurant industry provides jobs to thousands and thousands of people. The joy of people have in eating our food, well, it's important to the spirit and life of our city."

Yeah, everybody, it's officially Nancy Silverton Day!  For me, that's just about everyday.

365

365

  


Hector Lopez, Inventor of Term "SHAOOUU!", Retires From Mozza

After seven and half years, Hector Lopez,  one of the original team members of Osteria Mozza, will suit up for the last time tonight as he retires after a mysterious career that had most fellow workers wondering the same thing: "Just what did Hector actually do here, other than be happy?"

"Hector is a joy to be around, and I love his saying, that Shaoouuu!  thing," said Mozza chef and owner Nancy Silverton. "i'm kinda busy, but, just remind me.  What did he do here?"

A Mozza chef, Derek McCabe, was stunned to hear that today (Tuesday 5/27) would be Hector's last day.

"I thought he left a month ago," McCabe said in a text message to Krikorian Writes.

Lopez. from the city of Orizaha in the Mexican state of Vera Cruz. is perhaps best known for his jubilant proclamation of "SHAOOUUU!" ( CHAOOUUUUUUA! in Spanish, XIAOOOONNNGGG! in Mandarin) the meaning of which Lopez explained Monday night: "It's when something really wonderful happens or you see something really beautiful."

Lopez eagerly posed with fellow Mozza employees Monday night including Julianne Moore and Matt Michaelson, another original Mozza employee, who was also perplexed when asked what Hector did.

"I know he stood next to Tono and Adriel quite a lot," said Michaelson, clearly uncomfortable with the question  "Look, I need to go carve a giant bookcase."  

Michaelson's girlfriend, Alisa Burket, aka here as "Helen", who was often the inspiration for Lopez's Shaooouus!"s, said there is evidence Lopez did NOT do actual work at Mozza. 

"Look at his hands," she said. "His hands are so soft and smooth. What work could he possibly do and still keep so soft?"

Whatever he did at Mozza, Hector did so with a lot of enthusiasm and happiness. And when sadness came his way - and it did - the staff knew because there were no "Shaooouus' to be heard.

So Lopez is moving on, on  to work as a bartender at Los Balcones Del Peru, the Peruvian restaurant on Vine Street near Sunset Boulevard. He is also taking English as a second language at Evans Community Adult School, an enrollment applauded by former Mozza General Manager David Rosoff. 

"Seven years I knew Hector and his English never improved," said Rosoff, who added he kind of admired - or at least was baffled by  - Hector's state of being. "He only had two states; "super hyper" and "downright dangerously hyper." 

So Hector Lopez will be missed at Mozza . For different reasons.

"Who is going to walk me to my car?' wondered pastry chef Dahlia Narvaez.

"Who is gong to have the best manicured eyebrows at Mozza now?" asked former Mozza chef de Cuisine Chris Feldmeier.

"Who is gong to hit on me at work if  Hector's not there," pondered Osteria cook Rebecca Pizzala.

Michael Krikorian (relation), said he took a liking to Hector many years ago in the parking lot when he asked Hector "Do you know why I call you the 'Prince of Troy'?".

"Of course, Papa," Hector said with that sincere trademark smile of his. "Because Hector was the PrInce of Troy, I read. I know history, Papa."

Hector and Professor Wood

Hector and Professor Wood

Hector and Julie Moore

Hector and Julie Moore


U.S. Deploys Secret Ice Cream Tactics in Hunt For Warlord Kony

In the daunting hunt for Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony, United States Special Operations Forces have begun using an experimental "distraction device" that Krikorian Writes has learned is a highly secretive ice cream/gelato blend being developed in Southern California.

The ice cream, known only as the "P 1", is the creation of Los Angeles-based Mozza chefs Nancy Silverton and Dahlia Narvaez and, after extensive testing, is being deployed by American Special Forces - including Green Beret, Delta Force and Navy SEALs -  in the hunt for Kony. That hunt appears near a showdown as Kony's weakened Lord Resistance Army, (LRA), which spread hell for years throughout Uganda and the Central African Republic, is on the run. Earlier this week, in a sign of his fading authority, Kony elevated his son, Salim Saleh,  to the number 2 position in the LRA, according to a May 20 Associated Press report. ( http://www.cbsnews.com/news/joseph-kony-hands-over-reins-of-lra-to-son-official-says/).

Kony, 53, is believed to be moving from the Central Africa Republic to Kafia Kingi, a disputed enclave of South Sudan also claimed by regular Sudan.

A military source said Joseph Kony's capture is "imminent", but would not elaborate on how long "imminent" actually is, though he did divulge it was shorter time period than "soon".  

The source - and two others - did confirm the use of the P 1 weapon has been "very effective and a big part in the capture of many outlaws."

A Delta operative explained how the P 1's role is made operational. Turns out, it's quite simple 

"It's basically the old classic "Here! Look at this" game, a distraction," said the Delta operator who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "So far its been very effective. Once we identify the targets, in this case, Joseph Kony and his Lord's Resistance Army, we set up a forward staging area, and, from there, using locals, we drop a school backpacks near the site we are to hit. After making sure the backpack is not boobie-trapped, the insurgents discover there's ice cream inside and are soon are so caught up in the wonder of the P 1 that their guard is dramatically lowered. That's when we moved in for the assault."

An Army spokesperson, Lt. Col. Duke Feldmeier, was emphatic that no enemy combatants have been killed as a result of this extraordinary tactic.

"Miss Silverton and MIss Narvaez were absolute in their demand that P 1 usage would not lead to anyone's death. And, so far,  there have not been any fatalities associated with P 1 deployment.  They have been a several gun-butted skulls, .at least three dozen broken noses, upwards of 175 blackened eyes,. and assortment of several aches and pains, but no fatalities.

Though little is known of the P 1, sources said it is based on the storied "5 Nods" Salty Peanut Butter gelato, unveiled to the world at Pizzeria Mozza Newport Beach in January.  

In honor of fallen soldiers around the world, a modified version of the P 1 will be available to the public beginning this Memorial Day weekend at Pizzeria Mozza in Los Angeles, Newport Beach and San Diego.  For security reasons, no photos of P 1 will be permitted at the restaurants and no P 1  will be allowed to leave the premises.

Secret Distracting - (Aerial Photo by United States of America Intelligence Services) 

Secret Distracting - (Aerial Photo by United States of America Intelligence Services)

 

Back away, fool

Back away, fool


"Delusional" Doug Zamensky Admitted to Mental Hospital

Doug Paul Zamensky, best known as the first human being ever to be robbed by three different species, was admitted Monday  to the Tustin Mental Institute suffering from an assortment of ailments, including CDS, or Complex Delusional Syndrome.

Zamensky was rushed to the institute's Acute Whack Ward after he was seen wondering aimlessly in traffic on Pacific Coast Highway in Newport Beach carrying two portraits of himself - one as an owl - and yelling at passing motorists  "Rembrandt wants to draw me!" and "Oil the Dougsta, Picasso!"

Responding to numerous 911 calls about a "crazy white freak", Orange County sheriff deputies placed the Idaho native on a "5150 Hold", which allows for clinical observation of "seriously numbed individuals" for up to 72 hours. 

Locals were stunned.

"It was sad and shocking to see Doug like that, especially since he seemed so cool when we met him in Vegas," said Debbie Hauser, who works at the McLaren dealership on PCH down the street from Pizzeria Mozza where Zamensky worked as the general manager. "Doug told us "McLaren Girls" he was the chief test pilot for the McLaren P 1 at the Nurburgring [race track in Germany].  One of our girls thought he was a race car driver and asked to see his, his, umm, his paddle shifter.  She had no idea he was a waiter at a pizza joint or whatever he does at Mozza.  It's plain wrong."

Seekling to downplay the Vegas incident, .Alex Munoz-Suarez, the director of operations for Mozza, spoke to the media Monday evening to, in his words "clarify a simple misunderstanding". 

"We were in Vegas, and Doug, he had had a few, and we were with a group of the McLaren Girls and, for some reason, he slurred out that he had a "New burning" in one of his private areas. They mistakenly thought he said "the Nurburgring is testy". 

Seeking to placate the team at the McLaren dealership, Mozza chef Emily Corlis sent over a tray of the pizzeria's popular meatballs. However, that didn't go over too well. "Given  the circumstance, I don't think that was the wisest choice," said car sales manager, Monica Skorsky.

Upon hearing news of his detention, Zamensky's parents in Boise, Idaho were actually relieved. 

"Ever since Douglas went to Los Angeles and started getting robbed and then moved to Newport Beach and started living the big shot life, he hasn't been the same," said Art Zamensky. "Maybe staying in a loony bin for awhile will be good for him."

Zamensky's mother issued a plea to her son. "It's over, Douglas. Please come home."

"Hey, I'm the Dougsta!"

"Hey, I'm the Dougsta!"