MASONGSONG TO TRUMP; "SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE", DEFYING WEDDING BAN, VERONA WILL MARRY NIKKO SATURDAY

One of America’s most anticipated celebrations of 2020 was supposed to be the wedding of Verona Masongsong to Nikko Jerrel Marquez at a location in South Downtown Los Angeles.

Masongsong, a legendary Mozza employee who gained fame for eating - in silence - four Double Doubles in the Jack Warner Room during a celebration, was thrilled beyond belief that her dream wedding was becoming a reality. She had found true love with an ex-Mozza employee, Nikko Jerrel Marquez. The countdown to the wedding was down to less than two months. Acting as a turbocharger to their life together, Nancy Silverton hired Nikko to run her new joint at LAX.

Then that fucker Covid showed up. All gatherings were cancelled. Even Don Moron Trump ordered a ban to weddings. Masongsong was crushed. Her magical moment was put on hold.

But, if you know Masongsong at all. and Nikko, for that matter, you know they aren’t particularly known for following orders. So, going against Trump, who she refers to as “that li’l bitch”, Verona and Nikko announced earlier this week that their wedding would go on.

They’ll be some slight modifications The wedding list has been cut from 200 or so to four or five with the wedding couple, an officiant, a photographer and - hiding in the trees - a member of Delta Force.

When told that Trump had spoke out against their wedding at Friday’s White house press briefing, Verona said “Shut your pie hole.”

In retaliation, Mike “Closet Punk” Pence said an investigation would be launched into Nikko’s middle name. “Jerrel? Really? Jerrel sounds like a 89 Family Bloods gang member’s name.”

In support of the Verona- Nikko wedding was California Gov. Gavin Newsom and Los Angles Mayor Eric Garcetti.

“Gavin and I are both thrilled about Verona and Nikko’s wedding,” Garcetti said during a City Hall news conference Friday evening. “Our city. our state could use some happiness.”

BELKIND AND FALKNER SKYROCKET IN FAMOUS ELIZABETH RANKINGS AFTER DELIVERING FOOD TO NANCY AT SAN QUARANTINE

When the 2019 rankings of the “Most Famous Elizabeths in History “ were released in January, the usual suspects - Queen Elizabeth II, Elizabeth Taylor, Elizabeth “Bewitched” Montgomery, Elizabeth Warren and Queen Elizabeth I - were on their perennial top five spots.

But, yesterday in emergency rating session released due to Covid. two newcomers had rocketed like bats out of hell to claim spots in the top five. Knocking Elizabeth Taylor and Queen Elizabeth II out of the top five were American chefs Elizabeth Falkner and Elizabeth Belkind, both of whom braved “Stay At Home’ laws to bring food to San Quarantine where Nancy Silverton was hold up in lockdown with her cellie Michael Krikorian, who is, well. lets just say he’s not exactly Fredy Girardet.

Belkind, the executive pastry chef and partner - with Lisa J Olin- of the revered Cake Money Bakery on Beverly Boulevard, had unexpectedly - and delightfully - showed up in mid-March at Mozza with 100s of sumptuous muffins for the free Restaurant Workers Relief program funded by Maker’s Mark Whiskey and distributed out of Chi Spacca.

In early April, when she learned Nancy had tested “positive’, Elizabeth B texted she would leave something on the porch bench, a practice that became known as “Drop Drop Droppin’ At Nancy’s Door” based on the 1973 Bob Dylan classic “Knock Knock Knockin on Heaven’s Door”.

An hour later, she left a basket of cakes and cookies on the porch bench and they were soon being ravaged. There was “Li’l Merri’s”, an oatmeal cream pie sandwich cookie filled with maple vanilla buttercream that, hold up, hold on. Let me repeat that. This is an oatmeal cookie filled with maple vanilla buttercream. Is that even legal? Anyway, in case it isn’t, we got rid of the evidence quickly.

There was a slew of mini cakes including a Back & White Cakewich filled with vanilla cream. Valrhona crunchy “pearls” and coated in bittersweet chocolate.

Three days later, Elizabeth Falkner. was “Drop Drop Droppin at Nancy’s Door” (Bob Dylan has just released that) with an array of delights with Spanikopita, homemade filo dough filled with feta, spinach, dandelion greens. dill, mint and parsley and pot stickers with chicken thigh meat and pork belly with ginger, scallions and a sauce made of rice vinegar, ponzu, chili and sesame. Also a risotto with asparagus, spring onion, Parmesan and chicken stock.

Falkner also brought apricot rugalasch and a two-ton caramel glob that went swimmingly well with Chad Colby’s honeycomb ice cream from Antico.

We ate well.

A spokes person for Queen Elizabeth I said while she was disappointed to be out of the Top Five Elizabeths, she understood why. “Maybe Belkind and Falkner will teach her how to cook better,” said Dahlia Narvaez, the Queen’s spokeswoman. “Or at least how to cook,”

AFTER TWO POSITIVE TESTS, CHEF NANCY SILVERTON TESTS NEGATIVE FOR COVID-19

On a video call Sunday with Dr. Gregg DeNicola and his wife Nurse Mary, Nancy Silverton and i were ready to hear the words “Nancy, you are still positive.” After all, we has heard them twice before.

But, Nurse Mary threw the sweetest change up ever. ‘Open the red wine.”

We let out a yell and i was legally allowed to kiss her. Two weeks and six hours ago, Mary had informed us of the bad - somehow called “positive” - test. The past two weeks we have been in the house, distracted - and actually quite entertained by old movies; “The Verdict” with Paul Newman, “Barefoot In The Park” with Robert Redford and Jane Fonda, ,“Absence of Malice” with Paul Newman and Sally Field, “Sunday in New York” with Rod Taylor and Jane Fonda, “The Big Sleep” with Humphrey Bogart, “Farewell My Lovely” with Robert Mitchum. and three Doris Day movies and several more. And, thankfully. the Sundance Channel show “The Restaurant” which got us through the first most worrisome days.

Through every viewing. we were aware that Covid could come at any time. Yet, the only symptom Nancy had was even before the first test, a severe back pain that we originally blamed on Nancy standing up for 14 hours at Mozza for the Workers’ Relief Program. As the days past, our confidence grew. Then Dr. Gregg and Nurse Mary called

So now, the coast was clear for Nancy. To a huge degree, at least. She still has be, like everyone else, extremely cautious.

Yesterday, even before the good news. was a day Nancy over and over said “I’m so lucky” especially after hearing from our friend LAPD Robbery Homicide Det. Tim Marcia about the heart wrenching tale of another LAPD detective, David Lopez, who tested positive around the same time Nancy did, and likely passed it to his wife. She died Sunday. The couple had two kids, ages 12 and 10. “I’m so lucky”

So Nancy and I and family and friends are thrilled about her news, but we are not forgetting the sorrow of so many and how fortunate we are.

NANCY'S RETURN TO THE KITCHEN HAILED AS A SUCCESS

It was 17 days ago when Nancy Silverton made an infamous omelet that was so un-Nancy-like that she first thought something could be wrong with her. Two days earlier, an excruciating back pain - now thought to be the first real Covid symptom - was dismissed as the natural payback for standing up at Mozza 2Go for 13 hours. But, that omelet? That was a sign.

Three days later she was told by storied Nurse Practitioner Mary DeNicola that her Coivd test was positive. She was sentenced to San Quarantine. Her cooking days were put on hold. In baseball terms, you might say she was on the injured reserve.

Sunday night she returned to the mound with a lamb shoulder. seasoned for 21 hours with a spice blend she is calling Covid-10 salt, black pepper, cumin, cinnamon, turmeric, cardamon coriander, Calabrian chile, Persian dried lime and smoked paprika. It was then browned and put in the oven at 300 degrees for longer than it takes to watch “The Big Sleep” with Bogart and Bacall and “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father” with Glenn Ford and Shirley Jones.

The dinner was hailed as a success. Was it Koufax returning with a no -hitter? Not quite. But it marked the very successful - and straight out beautiful - return of Nancy Silverton to the kitchen The memory of that omelet was melting away like the fat off the lamb shoulder.

NANCY SILVERTON TO ATTEMPT KITCHEN COMEBACK EASTER SUNDAY AT SAN QUARANTINE

(EDITOR’S NOTE - We here at the Mozza Tribune are - like the rest of the world - consumed with the Corona virus and the despair it has brought to Earth. Our hearts go out. These reports are in no way intended to make light of this scourge, but rather give insight to the daily life of someone who has tested positive and is hopefully an example that life - with Covid or without - goes on and still can be as wonderful and crazy as back in the day)

In most secure cell block of the notorious San Quarantine maximum security facility, an inmate in the kitchen is nervous this Easter morning. She is a chef and she is about to cook perhaps the most important meal of her life. It’s not a meal for for stars, it’s a meal to she if she is back to her normal brilliant self in the kitchen.

Sixteen days ago. Nancy Silverton made an omelet and felt something was wrong with her. it wasn’t a bad omelet, but it wasn’t her usual omelet which can make an egg hater - like Jonathan Gold - a believer. It was later classified as “a mediocre omelet” and, more perplexing, Silverton was befuddled by the haphazard way she made the dish. Three days later was told she had tested positive for Covid

Ordered to lockdown at San Quarantine, Nancy has not cooked hardly anything, having to rely on the kindness of friends and her cellie, me. Have to say Silverton and myself have eaten very well.

But, today is Nancy Silverton’s kitchen comeback.

The main course is a not so traditional Easter lamb shoulder. Last night, she dry rubbed this seven pounder from Superior Farms in Sonoma yesterday with a spice blend she is calling Covid-10 salt, black pepper, cumin, cinnamon, turmeric, cardamon coriander, calabrian chile. Persian dried lime and smoked paprika.

A report on Easter at San Quarantine will appear later.

BREAKING NEWS - The lamb was placed in the oven in an orange Le Creuset braiser at 10:32 am at 300 degrees.

APOLLONIA'S PIZZERIA ON WILSHIRE JOINS ELITE "DELTA COURSE" WITH DELICIOUS DROP AT NANCY’S HOME

Just as the bells of St. Brendan’s Church on 3rd Street tolled at high noon Saturday, the door bell at Nancy Silverton’s nearby home rang once. On the porch, a good 10 feet away, Justin De Leon was ‘drop drop droppin’’ off two of his luscious so-called Detroit style pizzas. His timing couldn’t have been better.

Nancy and I had been wondering what to eat for lunch. We have a slew of leftovers fit for a banquet, and were about to decide when Justin arrived and decided for us. One square pizza had mozzarella, garlic and oregano and the other, the Acapulco Gold, had grape tomatoes, garlic, oregano, ricotta, truffle oil and arugula.

I’ve had his pizza from his storefront at 5176 Wilshire, a block east of La Brea, several times and it’s always been excellent. But, today. it was extraordinary You know, the type of food you eat standing up even though there’s a table and chairs just six feet away.

OUTPOURING OF FOOD CONTINUES AT SAN QUARANTINE WHERE NANCY SILVERTON REMAINS IN LOCKDOWN

Nearly two weeks after she was tested, and 11 days since learning she was positive for the virus, Nancy Silverton remains in lockdown at San Quarantine, the notorious maximum security facility infamous for, among many things. the utter lack of food in the frig.

Not anymore.

An outpouring of love and food for Nancy has erupted across the city and her refrigerator has been so stuffed that a secondary frig in the garage - previously used only for vodka, beer and ice cream - had to be deployed.

The whole thing got started last week by Chad Colby, the chef/owner of Antico who, without much warning dropped off .four pints of his restaurant’s ice cream. considered by many, including Mozza Tribune restaurant critic Kate Green. to be the finest in town.

Brianna “Breezy” Valdez of HomeState, Andy Kadin of Bub and Grandma’s Bakery and Ivan Maekawa of Pollo a la Brasa took up the torch of what has become known as “Droppin’ at the Door”. Bob Dylan is said to be working on a new song tentatively entitled “Drop Drop Droppin’ at Nancy’s Door”.

See this http://www.krikorianwrites.com/blog/2020/4/6/nancy-update-3-elite-food-responders-rush-to-nancys-house

Rochelle Huppin, director of Violet L.A. Cooking School and Shop, got things in gear with chicken soup with Matzo grenades. It was comfort food designed to lure Covid to get the hell out.

Burt Bakman, the owner of Slab Barbecue on West 3rd Street, came by with enough brisket and fixings for a small dinner party.Below is a spread by Burt, Rochelle and a couple dishes by Nancy in her comeback attempt.

Andreas Krankl, Nancy’s nephew, came by with a “sugar apple”, as strange looking fruit we’ve ever seen. We were instructed not to eat it until it was as soft as a ripe avocado.. Hmm. I’ll leave that one to Nancy. There it is below with our new drink. hot ginger infused water with turmeric, lemon (and sometimes Rye from Ivan Maekawa.

Clothing store owner Caryl Kim dropped off some kimchi from an East Korean recipe that is said to have healing properties. It also can help with social distancing as no one would want to get within six feet of you after you eat it.

Stacey Gamble Shaw and Frank Laffaldano of Nancy Fancy’s came through with a large assortment that has brought variety to my frozen life. Stacey, you rule.

Later, we looked out the door and there was a big cardboard box. I wiped it off. Inside was five loaves of bread from Sara Kafadar of Izzio Artisan Bread in the Phoenix area. We are gonna use it for grilled cheese sandwiches.

Yesterday, Wednesday, Nancy got a text from Jimmy Shaw which read “Droppin at the door. Mexican vegetables. ‘ A hour or so later i went out and there was a large bag with chicken enchiladas, rice, bean and mixed vegetable.

Today, Nancy and I watched the 1934 super classic “It Happened One Night” with Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert who both won Oscars. Right after Clark “explains’ to Claudette how to hitchhike, I had two enchiladas. Too bad the Academy Awards didn’t have a category for Best Enchilada.

FBI DETAINS SOAP OPERA STAR JULIE BURRISE IN "ICE CREAM FOR MIKE" SCANDAL

Julie Burrise, the actor who moonlights as a Pizzeria Mozza server, was acting this role out of the kindness of her ample heart. Knowing a Los Angeles man was locked down because his girlfriend had tested positive of the virus, Burrise offered to shop for him and her.

The confined man had one request. Wiretaps, made available to the Mozza Tribune, caught the following from the man, whose name is being withheld,” “Julie, love, get me some Haagen Daz Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream. As many pints as you can find.”

Burrise braved three Corona-infested supermarkets before finding a rare double - two pints- of the ice cream infamously known on the streets as “Daz CPB” or simply “CPB”, a flavor that is hard to find in peace time. Federal authorities believe the man was a high level distributor of CPB in the Los Angeles area.

Unbeknownst to Burrise, the mastermind’s home on Van Ness Ave, was under surveillance by the FBI and after she dropped - at proper distance - the contraband off, she was immediately taken into custody.

Burrise is being held at an undisclosed FBI so-called “Safe House”. Reached by phone, Burrise said her “confinement’ was “not at all what I expected”

“Hey, three FBI agents are watching me 24/7. Hmm. This pandemic is not gonna end anytime soon. Is it? Excuse me. Hey Agent Connery, pour me another single malt scotch, would ya, love? Laphroig or Balvenie or lagavulin. You pick.”

"THE BIG SPILL"; ARE PAPER TOWELS AN ENDANGERED SPECIES?

“Since when did paper towels become essential?” Nancy Silverton asked me. “Do you mean to tell me that Americans spill that much?”

For whatever reason. when the pandemic hit, among the first items to vanish - along with toilet paper and hand sanitizer - were, indeed, paper towels. Opinions of paper towels skyrocketed almost overnight.

And, as it turns out, by March 30, a week after learning Nancy had tested positive we were down to one roll of Bounty.

That was not some exaggeration. some desperate plea for help. It was hard cold inventory. One roll of paper towels. How the hell is a family of two suppose to survive on one roll of paper towels?

Has it ever even been done? Some hard things in life are inevitable. I get being stuck 27,500 feet up on the side of Mount Everest for a few days. Clinging big time. That’s not unusual. Hell, that’s a monthly occurrence and you know those Sherpas will come get you. That’s what they do. The Sherpa economy survives on stranded mediocre climbers. But, an entire house with one roll of paper towels? Who could ever predict that?

It became painfully clear in the early evening hours of March 30 that we would have to start rationing. Run of the mill spills would have to be wiped with my socks - while still on my feet. Minor spills and leaks were granted immunity.

Mixed emotions hit us hard. We looked back wistfully to the time our friend Duke, in a stupor, lavishly peeled off seven, eight sheets of Bounty just to wipe up a drop of fallen onion dip. Boy, those were the days.

With us at San Quarantine and under orders from wardens Garcetti and Newsom - who we admire - not to go anywhere, what was gonna happen.

The, like a bolt of lightening out of the old Testament. Lance Ohnstad, the legendary host at Pizzeria Mozza. called. ‘I’m going to the market What do you need?”

I wanted to tell him “Do you have any idea of what we’ve been going through?”. But, I simply said “paper towels.”

“Paper towels? lance said. “That all? Maybe a McLaren Senna while i’m at it?”

But, two hours later. against all odds. a 1969 VW Bug pulled up in front of the house next door and Lance got out with two, count em. two rolls of paper towels. He dropped them off on the neighbor’s lawn, a safe 45 feet away and drove off.

i sprinted to the towels before the hoards got to them

We had defense against spills. For now.